Hey y’all! Some of you know I made a pretty big jump (for me) about a month ago by starting a blog (on a different site). I was told many times by various people that I should try writing down the things that happen in my life. Specifically what my children say, because they are pretty hilarious at times! The thought that always ran through my head was “I feel like that’s been done before.” (Something titled, the things kids say.) Over the course of the past month my blogs have included some of those funny moments but it started to morph into something a lot deeper and fulfilling. I started to write out, what I began to realize was, my testimony.
You see, almost a year ago the life that I knew….ok, I didn’t really know it because let’s face it, I still felt pretty lost in it at times…..but the life that I thought was going “okay” completely fell apart and the harsh realities finally started to get through my shields. This was the moving force that drove me to finally seek out and COMMIT to going to church. Any church. It was the only thing that came to mind. I don’t know why, and I don’t know what drove me to Google for Baptist churches. I knew my husband grew up baptist and our kids were used to going to their Gamma’s church, but this Catholic raised and fed gal wasn’t the most comfortable among the non-kneeling, non-recite by memory folks who sang them “new age/contemporary” songs that I didn’t know.
Little did I know at the time, the Lord was pulling me in finally. After years of so much guilt and shame built up because of my bad choices and actions, God’s plan for me had finally reached the chapter in which I really had no where else to go but into His arms. I had lost ALL control of my life. I had been broken to the point that there was no way I could pull myself back together on my own. I had been humpy dumptied. Serious….I was 9 months pregnant at the time. Big, round, and shattered. (I feel for you fella! Especially since you got horses putting you back together!) Well, about 3 Sunday services in and breaking down into a blubbery mess, I had found a glimmer of life again! That October morning I felt Him pulling at me and telling me to come forward (remember, Catholic raised, I had no idea what I was doing walking to the front of the church by myself), I fell to my knees and I cried! I cried for help, I cried for God to please just “take this from me!” Then I felt a kind hand on my shoulder and a sweet woman asking me if I wanted to talk. Normally I would have just whipped out my pride card and shrunk back to my corner, but this time, again, He moved me to accept the invitation. The rest is history! Or rather, the beginning!
Coming to understand and accept the gift that Jesus is was the most liberating moment in my life! I’ve had some pretty awesome moments in my life, don’t get me wrong. Accepting the gift of salvation from the one who loved me my whole life, despite the fact that I did everything BUT live a life that He wanted for me, was so humbling. Believing in Him has changed my life! It’s not perfect…not even close…and I have a LOT of bad behaviors/beliefs that have been learned over the past 35 years that I’m learning to correct. Envision someone who was taught to walk on their feet, but then because of hundreds of influences and beatings, they morphed into someone who walked with two toes on the left foot, thumb and pinky on the right hand and the left elbow, with the forehead to steady themselves when they stumbled. You get used to walking that way and it’s going to take some practice to stand upright again. The best thing though? I have the BEST teachers! God and Jesus!
I know some of you reading this aren’t believers and I want to say I’m really thankful you stuck around to read this through! For those of you reading who have known each stage of my life and have prayed ceaselessly for me, Thank You!!! I hope you all join me on this, my next journey! Anyone up for changing a poopy diaper?…..because that’s where I’m headed next. *wink
Tags: difficulty, Family, Hard Times, Jesus, life, Salvation
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