Today was one of those unexpected days. I’ve only had a couple of those days in my life in which I have felt something so powerfully at the most unexpected time. The first was February 18, 2016, while I was sleeping in the hospital after the birth of our 4th child. I woke in a sweat because I felt like I had been in someone’s presence. This 2am “encounter” gave me the push I needed and the determination I had been lacking for so long.
The next day came October 8, 2017. The day when I had another encounter of the spirit and I came to accept Christ. I’m still in wonder at how that happened because it was not planned and certainly not expected. If you knew anything about the things I have said in the past, you would have been wondering why I was even in this church to begin with.
Then there was the moment today. I am, in no means, in a good season of life by many people’s standards. So when this “encounter” happened today (in the car line at the school, of all places), I literally froze. I saw and felt it’s presence. I looked around, wondering if I was still in the same place as I was 10 minutes ago. Were other people seeing this?? I can’t describe it, other than it was God moving in me.
“Choose Joy, Jessica. This is what it looks like. What it feels like. What it sounds like. What it IS.” I don’t mean to sound dramatic about it, but it is what it is….the heavens literally opened up in front of me and I had a flash of the most incredible peace flow through me! I felt beauty, love, happiness, and peace. It was as if the world around me had paused. It felt like I had fallen asleep and was in a deep dream because I saw my life flash in front of me.
Ok, I know that most of you are probably reading this thinking….yup! She’s finally fallen off her rocker! I’m also not doing these moments in my life any justice to what the true experience was for me. However, after I came back to myself after each of these moments, something changed.
The reason? Not because I was looking for an answer. Not because I was taking charge of my life. I mean, I was sitting in the car, previously listening to my son talk about something (I don’t even remember what it was anymore). Maybe it was the bagel I had ate? Maybe it was the water I had been sipping on? Nope. It was the Spirit sprouting!
I have felt like I was still buried this past year. I’ve struggled with questioning my salvation, with wondering why I “just can’t seem to get it right” still, why life has felt and seen like it was just crumbling in front of me. I’ve yelled at God, “WHY??” I’ve gone to some incredibly dark places…permanent dark places. I was not looking for this specific answer. This whole time my roots were still being planted. A seed can’t support the weight of a stalk if the roots don’t have a firm hold on the ground.
Today I was given the gift of accepting this simple truth…I want to choose Joy. Which I LOVE!!! I have always wanted to be this person! I have no idea what it will look like for me, but I know what it will feel like when I choose joy because I feel it now and it is so incredibly freeing! How I could be feeling this way right now, considering my life’s circumstances…I’m still in stuttering in my mind as I try to wrap my head around what happened. However, God is GOOD and He will move in those who love him and desire to follow his commands! He knows our hearts and he can heal even the most broken parts of our soul. He make you beautiful!
Please, dear friends, choose joy! I’m under no illusion that it will be tested. That there will be days when I’m tempted to give in. I do know that those moments, when I feel like quitting, it’s Satan attacking my vulnerability. I know God’s truths and what he wants of us. Joy found in him and his son is one of those things.
Sending hugs and smiles! Because I just want to hug everyone right now!!Tags: awe, Be Still, encounter, faith, God, Growth, Jesus, Joy, Love, moments, moved, peace, Praise, spirit, unexpected, wait, wonder
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