If there were one gift that God could have granted me to bring glory to him, I would have wished he had given me a beautiful singing voice. One that would reach the ears of many and would inspire others by the words in the songs. Song has always been my favorite form of worship ever since I can remember. I gain so much by listening to the words in a song and by being moved by the melody. It is the whole reason I chose Ste. Cecilia to be my patron saint when I was confirmed. It is the reason I was moved on the day that I heard the message in Acts 16, to be saved and accept Jesus as my Savior. The joy and meaning I gain from song is very meaningful to me. I just was not gifted with a strong, beautiful voice. Or rather the courageous heart to grow a strong, beautiful voice.
There is a woman in our church that is hard of hearing and every now and then I get to sit behind her during service. I love it because she will sign to the songs that we sing. There is something so beautiful in her silent singing. It makes me smile every time I watch her because I can imagine God looking down on her, being overjoyed with gladness in her “singing.” How it doesn’t matter how strong or weak our voice is or if it is in perfect pitch. It is the heart behind it that God sees and hears.
I do wonder sometimes what it is that God is purposing me for. I love music, but I don’t think I could be a great disciple in the “leading or teacher” sense with the little talent He has granted me in that area. I enjoy public speaking and writing, but I get so distracted and tongue tied that my words never seem to come across the way that I hear them in my head and feel in my heart. Definitely not the best way to spread HIS good news, unless I simply read His words verbatim. (Even then I get tongue tied, though.) I love traveling and meeting new people and experiencing new customs, but my life style doesn’t quite match that of one that can get up and leave on a whim. My kids would make it a very long journey and my husband would always come home from his travels to an empty house.
God has blessed me in SO many ways during my time here on earth so far, I just haven’t quite figured out what he wants me to do with those blessings yet. The majority of the lessons I have learned had very little to do with someone else teaching me. All of the credit goes to God, because it was him reaching out and placing his finger into my life that moved me to redirect. It was literally things that were between myself and God. I’m sure you know of people who you have tried and tried to help but you knew that there just simply wasn’t anything you could do unless they themselves wanted it. That was me. I was so hell-bent on living and striving for this life I had imagined for myself that I couldn’t see or hear everything that others were saying…UNTIL God stuck his foot out and tripped me up to get my attention. He had to wait and do it, though, until I was close to the edge. So that when I looked up I could see I had no where else to go but down, if I chose to ignore his warning.
How do you share a blessing like that with someone who needs to see their own cliff? Who needs to keep trucking along until God trips them up. I may never know how, but I do know that I will forever be thankful that I have a powerful and loving God looking out for me! I have seen him do some pretty amazing things! He allowed a mother to keep at least one of her children after the others died from her car burning her other children alive. He allowed my uncle to live years longer than expected to. He allowed fellow recovering addicts to see and enjoy a sober and clean life for at least a short time before their bodies gave out from years of poisoning. He kept my aunt alive despite the many attempts to end her life. He’s given my own mother the courage to lead a healthier lifestyle after years of being in pain.
God has done some pretty amazing things in the lives of those that I have been touched by and witnessed in one way or another. He gives courage and strength to those that feel like giving up. He gives love and friendship to those that feel completely alone. He gives life to us simply because he wants to use us for his glory. To open the eyes of others who think it is all because of their own doing. I myself need my eyes opened quite a bit at times.
For now, though, while I wait and see what it is he wants me to do with my blessings and how he wants me to use what strengths I have, I will continue to sing from the heart. I will try to tell others how He has and is moving and teaching me…or least what I think it is that he is trying to teach me. And I will keep an open eye on the beauty around me. Like the lady who uses sign language, sometimes a quiet praise is just as beautiful and inspiring.
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