Yes, I was happy, so back off!
Over the course of the past month or so I have found that not long after I make a declaration of something I’ve either learned or have come to accept as truth, I am put in a situation in which I am tempted in the very area I was so sure of the day before. Sometimes I am able to put into practice what I have learned, but many times I find myself reacting to the situation in the very way that I wish I could change. I’m not allowed the time to fully process what I have learned or to solidify a plan of action the next time I am faced with said opposition.
It’s frustrating! Like deciding to go on a diet the day before Thanksgiving…or swearing off of cheesecake and the next day your friend drops one off out of the blue. WHY????
Temptation is real people and it’s got it’s eye on you! It will attack at your weakest spots like the lion going after the youngest or oldest in the pack. It sees your soft spot and wants to rip that fresh bandage off…skin and all!
One day I’m strong in my belief that I am loved and that there is nothing that will come between or separate my focus from the love that I possess. The next I am blinded by the reality of those that don’t love me and I struggle to look past them and to find God and his embracing love. Like a little kid searching a sea of faces for their parent, while feeling completely alone and scared in the crowded room.
One day I am thankful for the trials and heartache because it has brought me into a closer relationship with my maker. The next I am furious at not knowing why I’m in this desert time in the first place. I look through moments and things said not long before I was cast into this pit, and am angry at how it all appears to have been one beautiful lie that I was blind enough to believe. I’m angry for not having answers no matter how many times I have asked or how patiently I have tried to simply wait. I’m angry that I’m trying to do the right thing but I’m the only one who gives a crap. I’m mad!
These 180 moments have typically been the times when I maintain radio silence. When I choose to keep my mouth shut because I don’t feel optimistic or I don’t have anything encouraging to say. When I haven’t had a spiritually “good” day, I bite my tongue and wait for the fog to lift some. This time, though, I’m choosing to let you in on this little reality that I think many of us go through. You’re not alone, I am tempted the same as you. I do not live out what I write perfectly. I fail…a lot. I speak when I shouldn’t…a lot. I allow my emotions to get the better of me…a lot. I doubt and I question….a lot. And I feel lost…a lot.
So what now? What do I do in these moments? Well, I typically do one of two things. One option is I just stay in my slump and I continue to dwell on the things that are keeping me down. I allow the evil to nibble away at me. I allow the stress to burry me slowly, slowly, until it gets hard to breathe, and then I cry. It’s then, in my sobbing, that I turn to God in prayer and I find release.
The other option is I turn to what I KNOW to be true. I dive into scripture and search for guidance or just simply a story that will take my mind off of things. (There were people who had far worse things to worry about in the book than what I’m going through!) I look at my own morals and how they have given me the strength and guidance to remain true to those areas of my life and have kept me grounded. It gives me focus and calm. And, I pray. I pray fervently, I pray without ceasing, I pray silently and out loud.
I find it funny that people are skeptical of satan’s hand in things. They want to place all of the blame on the person alone and not acknowledge that we are all led by, tempted by, cursed or blessed by something/someone. If we can praise God for his goodness, if we can place our very lives at the feet of Jesus and ask him to save us from eternal damnation, if we can seek his guidance to “show us the way,” if we can pray, why do we not recognize satan’s constant hand in our lives also?
He will and he DOES, seek out our weak spots and he seeks out the things that we hold dear and he attacks them! He doesn’t want us to grow stronger than him and he certainly does not want us to be eternally happy or to live a life that is pleasing to God.
God, on the other hand wants us to grow closer to him, to seek a relationship with him. He is merciful and kind. When satan says to you “loser. idiot. worthless,” God says “no. forgiven. try again. I love you.” It is up to us to grow in one direction or the other. Are we going to grow closer to satan and his temptations and his final destination? Or are we going to grow closer to God so that we recognize his voice when he calls and we can walk without blinders on.
When you’re weak or new or struggling, it is so much easier to hear satan’s words because he’s crafty. Like a kidnapper offering candy to a child. He offers instant results. He offers your heart’s desire with just a couple signatures. He doesn’t want to get to know you so we can by-pass the whole “relationship” talk. God, however, is trying to prepare you for heaven. Something that has been stained by sin for so long….it’s going to take quite a few loads of whites to wash that bad boy clean! “So in the mean time, while we let that mess soak, let’s chat! Spend time with me, kick off your shoes and stay a while. ”
Satan is real and God allows him to work in our lives in order to try and teach us and to prove us. Just like I know that satan sees me trying to grow in my relationship with God and he sees me joyful and hopeful. I also know that he wants to destroy that progress, so I will have a testing to go through shortly after. It never fails.
Tags: attacks, Doubt, Fear, God, Satan, temptation
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