Do you ever roll your eyes at other believers? You know, the ones that seem so much more emphatic about declaring their love for their Savior and for God? I’ll admit it, I do sometimes. It’s not because I think they’re “too much” or because I think they’re “doing it wrong.” Rather, it’s more because I don’t understand. I don’t understand because it’s not the relationship I have with God and Christ.
Yes, I write a spiritual blog on my growth and failings in my faith walk, but I don’t walk around with a bible in my hand, spouting scripture to every soul I meet and asking if you’re saved or not and if you’ve had your morning coffee with Jesus. First off, I don’t have a single verse of scripture memorized. I could get close to saying it right, but not well enough that I feel confident in sharing it openly without reading it from something. Secondly, I’m not religious about setting time aside for God every day, so I don’t want to “cast judgment” (or what would surely feel like judgment by the other person) on others who don’t either. If I ask, then it’s more of a ways for me to find a compatible spirit to connect with on our journey. A means of gleaning from each other’s wisdom and short comings.
I do strongly believe now, that if you have a person in mind that you want to be, the BEST way to become that person is to have God guide you. I also believe that if the person you are trying to be is bringing you difficulty and you’re finding yourself falling into a “pit” of unhappiness and are unable to get out….God wasn’t guiding you there.
I’ve been in that pit many many times! I would get it in my head that “THIS” is the person I need to be in order to be happy. THIS is what I should do in order to get my life back on track. THIS is how I should act and treat others in order to get what it is I need. I mean, God wants me to be happy. I believe that Christ died for my past, present and future sins, so no matter what happens I know he’s protecting me. Then something happens. I feel a tugging at that “life line.” I feel like I should be ashamed of even thinking such things, I feel guilty and then I hear Christ’s voice saying, “When did I ever act or think that way? Do you REALLY think that this is right?”
Handing your life and all of your flaws over to God comes with a sense of freedom and also a sense of fear. Freedom in knowing that God can and will take away your bad thoughts, habits, actions, feelings, and characteristics if you truly want to be rid of them. The fear comes from knowing that it is going to be hard to wait on and allow God to shape you into who he wants you to be. It comes with humility…which I am not great at.
I have no problem admitting my flaws and defects. However, I struggle with hitting the switch when it comes time to do the exact opposite of what those defects have shaped me to do. For instance. When I’m feeling happy and I want to get out and do something or I want to share affection and play around like young lovers with my husband, and I am met instead with indifference, or better still, his telling me that he already had plans with someone else, my initial reaction has always been “He doesn’t love me.”
I instantly feel rejected and unimportant. I feel disgusting and unattractive. I feel as though he cares so little for me that he can’t even try it. Ladies, you may understand this in terms of sex. (yep, I said that) We don’t always feel like having sex when our husbands do. It’s normal. We’re simply not made that way and I’m totally cool with that, BECAUSE I recognize it, I accept it, and I know what it takes. So we go along with his advances for a bit and, sure enough, we’re revved up and ready to go too! Not every time, but most times. SO. Why can’t guys do that for us? Females are more affectionate. That’s why we’re the ones who have the babies. It’s where our maternal instincts thrive. Men are not typically affectionate creatures. However, if they understood this, accepted it, and gave it a shot….well, it would lead to….. you get the picture.
So, as ALL of these thoughts INSTANTLY (I’m talking nanoseconds) consume my emotions, I’m supposed to catch them, secure them and cast them to God. Instead, my initial reaction and thoughts shouldn’t be that of feelings of rejection that are expressed as anger and hurt, but rather, of peace and well wishes. Of joy for my husband that he has friends that are good for him and in turn good for our marriage. Of peace that at least he isn’t walking out of our life and maybe just wants to sit next to me. Of patience because maybe he’ll be up for a round of fun frolicking when he gets home or he’ll want to relax while playing a board game instead.
It’s these things, that can only be changed when I submit myself to humility before God. Recognizing my shortcomings as a spouse, as a friend and to myself. Fighting through the urge to do what my flawed self has been doing for so long. It’s not easy. It’s definitely not comfortable and it’s very awkward and doesn’t feel or sound genuine at first. However, I KNOW that it’s right and it’s what Christ has called me to do and be and I want to be what pleases him, and THAT is genuine. In time it will become my new norm and essentially who I am. It is, after all who I’ve always wanted to be, I just hadn’t reached the point of being willing to be humble before God until now.
God told Jeremiah to go to the potter’s shop to learn a lesson. Jeremiah said, “I did as he told me and found the potter working at his wheel. But the jar he was making did not turn out as he had hoped, so he crushed it into a lump of clay again and started over. Then the Lord gave me this message:…’Can I not do to you as this potter has done to his clay? As the clay is in the potter’s hand, so you are in my hand” (Jeremiah 18:3-6)
God told Isaiah, “What sorrow awaits those who argue with their Creator. Does a clay pot ever argue with its maker? Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying, “Stop, you’re doing it wrong!” Does the pot exclaim, ‘How clumsy can you be?'” (Isaiah 45:9)
When we put our life in God’s hands, he will reshape us as he sees fit. It is our humility that allows us to accept the fact that he is the Creator. Our new life may be similar to the one we left behind or entirely different. God is the master craftsman. Whatever he does, we can trust that he will recreate our life beautifully, once we get out of his way!
I believe in God, our Father, the creator of everything that is seen and unseen. I believe in Jesus Christ, who was His only son and died for the forgiveness and atonement of my sins. I am thankful for my life and I am even more thankful that Christ loves me so much that he payed the price for my wrong doings, knowing that I could never achieve what he did in and of myself! Because of that, I want to be close to him! I want to be with him! I love him more and more every day as I grow in understanding and in my relationship with him that will one day be united with him in heaven. Talk about a glorious reunion of lovers and friends!
We are each on different walks in our relationship with God and Christ. Some are all in, some are learning, some are wandering, some are being stubborn, some are completely clueless. I do know that it is NOT my place to cast judgment. It is simply my responsibility and privilege to come before Him, humbled and open, and to allow him to shape me, break me, test me…whatever he desires…because I am his creation. I am his and I want to please him, so I want to follow and do what he has laid out for ALL to see. First, I must humble myself.Tags: change, God, Growth, Humility, Joy, peace, Surrender
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