I like to think of myself as a problem solver and a fixer. If something in my life is not going well, or I don’t like where I see things are headed, I want to jump in and find a solution or make the necessary changes. I don’t always choose the best course of action nor am I always quick in recognizing things aren’t going well, but it’s those times that have helped me gain the experience and the knowledge that I have today.
Lately I have been working on one issue that I have dealt with, what seems, my entire life. I always knew it was an issue but it took this long for me to get to the point where I recognized that it wasn’t going to get better unless I focused on changing it and really dug in. You see, I’m also a very observant person and I notice the slightest changes. I’m very in-tune with my body and I can tell at the first sign of change happening. For instance, after my first pregnancy I KNEW I was pregnant with each of my other kids long before a pregnancy test came up positive. I can tell when my psoriasis is going to flare back up or when my eye sight changes the slightest.
I also notice the changes in people’s actions and tone of voice. The way they hold themselves or how deeply they’re breathing. I can see a “switch” happen in the middle of a conversation, and normally that would probably be a very helpful asset to have! Only, I also take things very personally. I take it as an attack on me and my character. I am someone who wants to help everyone….but I’m horrible at asking for help myself. I have spent years of my life thinking that everyone else was the same as me. That they should be able to notice my changes because it’s so blazingly obvious to me when they change. So why don’t they “get” me? Why don’t they just reach out and give me what I need? Why don’t they understand that I’m hurting and my anger is just my (unhealthy) way of crying out for help?
With the help of therapy and scripture and God, I am beginning to understand my differences and how I was made. To accept that they are not necessarily bad, despite the bad behavior that has come about in the past, due to poor choices in handling my emotions, but that I can use them for good. I can use them to be able to help more people. To be a good listener and to love others more freely and to be more of an encouragement.
This is something that I learned and realized a few years ago while in rehab and I still strongly believe it today, if not more so! You must, MUST, have a higher power that you turn to when you feel weak! One that will direct your paths when you feel lost or don’t know what to do next. One that you feel safe with when you feel like the world is against you. One that is greater than you!
The ONLY caveat that I add to this is…..that higher power/better being….can NOT be anything of this world! Objects break or get stolen/lost. Nature changes with each season and can be washed away. Humans are failures too and will fail you at some point, guaranteed! This is where my faith in God began. He is my higher power and he is THE highest power you could ever place your trust and your life in! After that, seek Jesus! He will be your best friend, your mentor, your strength, your soul and your future. He is God, and God is He, but Jesus is easier to relate to because He lived among us as a man. Given to temptation and pain, suffering, frustration, joy, love, hope…everything that we feel ourselves. Yet, he lived perfectly, because he was one with God.
God made me and he made me perfectly for his purpose. He has given me the ability that I have for a reason. Many times I think that my flaws have been or are a mistake, that I should be someone different or better. That I’m doing something wrong. The only wrong thing that I have done is to cut down and chastise the life that God created. The soul that He spoke into existence. I have battled with myself and with trying to make my life what I think it should be. Or worse, looking to and expecting other fallible human beings to give me the life that I wanted. In short, making them my “higher power.”
I could have saved many people, including myself, a lot of pain and heartache if I had recognized this sooner. However, it’s God’s design. I am simply responsible for how I choose to live my life from this day forward. I choose to believe that I am loved, no matter what. I have every reason in the world to find joy in each and every minute of my life. I have every reason to wake up each day with hope that it will be better than the last and to know that no matter what, as long as I turn to and lean on Christ/God, I will make it through each day and can sleep easy at night. God will renew your strength each new day. All you need to do is cultivate a relationship with Him and listen for when He speaks to you…and RESPOND! If you think it’s a good idea, check with Him. If it goes against what He commands or if Jesus himself wouldn’t suggest it…you may want to check again and see who it was you were listening to.
Ultimate Blogger Theme By Buywptemplates
Click below to consent to the use of the cookie technology provided by vi (video intelligence AG) to personalize content and advertising. For more info please access vi's website.